Driving knowledge source

Qtip driver

In pre-med studies, areas of the brain are mapped to determine the location of certain skills and knowledge.

I submit (she said in her best Captain Kirk voice) that the location of driving knowledge is in the pigmentation of the hair.

Consider if you will that young people, with a full head of luxuriant hair, know everything there is to know about driving. They flit in and around traffic with impunity.

Yet eventually the gray creeps in, and the ability to drive properly creeps out. Salt-and-pepper drivers are sloppy and poorly coordinated. By the time the hair is all white, the Q-tips (my daughter’s euphemism for little old white-haired men) are cutting you off and wandering all over the lane.

Dyeing one’s hair is simply artificial intelligence – his/her inability to drive well belies him/her.

Recently President Obama was in a driving simulator. He commented that he’s rusty since he hasn’t driven in a while. I comment – notice that he is simultaneously turning gray, as all presidents in office do. This is probably why they continue to use limousine services after leaving office.chauffeur

Rich old men are wise enough, once their flowing locks turn white, to depend on limousine drivers as well (whom, you will notice, have fully-pigmented hair).

The challenge is baldness. Unless the person has a skirt of hair around the nape of the neck or facial hair, it behooves other drivers to watch carefully to determine the extent of driving knowledge which has been retained or lost.

 

 

Advertisements

Driving knowledge source

In pre-med studies, areas of the brain are mapped to determine the location of certain skills and knowledge.

I submit (she said in her best Captain Kirk voice) that the location of driving knowledge is in the pigmentation of the hair.

Consider if you will that young people, with a full head of luxuriant hair, know everything there is to know about driving. They flit in and around traffic with impunity.

Yet eventuallQtip drivery the gray creeps in, and the ability to drive properly creeps out. Salt-and-pepper drivers are sloppy and poorly coordinated. By the time the hair is all white, the Q-tips (my daughter’s euphemism for little old white-haired men) are cutting you off and wandering all over the lane.

Dyeing one’s hair is simply artificial intelligence – his/her inability to drive well belies him/her.

Recently President Obama was in a driving simulator. He commented that he’s rusty since he hasn’t driven in a while. I comment – notice that he is simultaneously turning gray, as all presidents in office do. This is probably why they continue to use limousine services after leaving office.chauffeur

Rich old men are wise enough, once their flowing locks turn white, to depend on limousine drivers as well (whom, you will notice, have fully-pigmented hair).

The challenge is baldness. Unless the person has a skirt of hair around the nape of the neck or facial hair, it behooves other drivers to watch carefully to determine the extent of driving knowledge which has been retained or lost.

Tee Shirts I’d like to see

my T shirtsIt seems to me that we should not buy clothing with brand names on them. These companies have huge advertising budgets – they should pay us to display their names!There are all sorts of commentaries that need no embellishment yet are too big for a bumper sticker. Or they would cause an accident while the person behind you Is trying to read the whole thing. My favorite example comes from Will Rogers: “If you find yourself deep in a hole, the first thing you need to do is … stop digging!”

I have a tee shirt that caught my boss’ eye because he only saw the front, which reads “You can do anything you want …”. He had me turn around to find the ending: “… at Alice’s Restaurant.” This is a reference to Arlo Guthrie’s anti-war song of the late 1960s. I was thrilled when I saw the actual place where Alice’s Restaurant used to be.

Sometimes these observations are fun when split to the front and back of a tee shirt. Other times they do fine just on the back.

Herein I offer some of my ideas for new and wondrous tee shirts. To any of you tee shirt manufacturers out there, I am willing to sell these – for a fee and the citation of my name, of course.

If you have original snippets of your own to add, please add them as comments so I can give you full credit.

the cheshire cattaking risks

There are three things in life I won’t try: lesbianism, murder and hard drugs. The reason: I might like them.

World Eye

on being a teacher

Think of me as the cornea of your mind’s eye, trying to tighten the focus.

 

a giant leap

flying high - Willem

flying high – Willem

I’ll try anything twice — the first time I may be too scared to enjoy it.

ostrich
I wish I was an ostrich,
Head deep beneath the sand.
Then they might all wake up
And start to understand

a fish

 

 

elegant fish?
“Elegant fish dinner”
(headline was on a recipe newsletter)
… Sorry – In all my years, I’ve yet to meet an elegant fish!

 

 

parking is hazardousparking lot
In western New York, parking is more hazardous than driving. Despite no moving violations, I have over $800 worth of dings, dents and scrapes – and not a single note on the windshield.

statitics

statistics
Twelve out of every 37 people believe statistics … or think they lie.

 

 

don’t scare meRoller Coaster Making a Loop
On slasher movies and loopy roller coasters:
If I want to be scared out of my skin, I ‘ll just look at my bills.

 

 

 

 

 

chairsitting on one’s hands
I wonder why governing positions are always named after furniture:
• Secretary
• Cabinet
• Divan
• Chair
• House
• Desk
Sometimes I think it’s because all they do is collect dust.

The Paranoid Car

Move over, Christine – you are simply an aggressive Chevy. Mandy has a paranoid Ford (say that five times fast). The Ford had been complaining about a few aches and pains – broken wiper motor and broken heater blower. Concerned medicos patched up the wounds, but the Ford was so doped up, she thought that instead of helping her, the medics were trying to steal her. A stealth self-protection mode was triggered, and now no one can come near the injured car. If they do, sirens go off and the police get called. Really, officer, it’s my car … no, didn’t see anyone else … I would love to turn off the alarm … any idea how?

The dark side – no more Christmas chopping or doctor’s visits.

The bright side – saves like crazy on gas!

observations while driving a long commute

traffic

When you have a long commute to and from your place of business, you can only listen to so many how-to-improve-yourself tapes. And books on CD are great – except that you end up sitting in the parking lot or driveway to listen to the end of a chapter, and your mind isn’t really on the traffic as you drive.

When I realized I was telling myself jokes while I drove, I decided to get a tape recorder and start my own tape of Observations While Driving. Herein are some of my commentaries.

One of the advantages of going to and from work in the dark is that you can do your face exercises while you’re driving without causing accidents. Other times other drivers try to figure out what the hell you’re doing.

Status is never quo.

Why is it social services agencies insist on you getting destitute before you apply — then sit on the application for months before deciding for or against the application? How is one supposed to subsist until then? I once got denied food stamps (when husband abandoned pregnant me and our son). Their reasoning was that they could not figure ot how I had subsisted so long. Duh — it’s called a storm cellar mentality; my son and I lived off our pantry stores for a year and a half. My first brush with the civil service mentality.

I believe that each state has its own driving flavor: Connecticut – tailgating; New York – weaving; Massachusetts – wipe out the pedestrian; Virginia – speeding; Alabama – right turns from the left lane and vice versa; Pennsylvania – bullying.

Additional state characteristics from friends:

Here in Montana, people have a propensity for passing on the right side of the road–even driving off the road or onto the sidewalk if someone ahead of them stops or slows down. You take your life in your hands just to try and make a left-hand turn at an intersection! I remember being able to drive up to 80 MPH there without the fear of getting a ticket until it was dark.

Don’t forget South Carolina – lack of turn signal use and Georgia – ignorance of the Speed Limit.

You missed New Jersey…stop signs? what stop signs????

You can tell the people in my area all played with slot car tracks as kids — they all drive right up the middle of the road, as if the car has to be on the center of the double yellow lines to operate properly. [South Carolina]

Catching speeders on Route 2 is like bass fishing in a stocked pond.

New PC lyrics to “My Guy”: …my opinion is he’s the Queen of the Hop…

car2Ya gotta worry when a shiny new red Mercedes coupe turns into a Salvation Army parking lot.

 

Oh, Lord…I don’t know what it is about VW drivers, but they are very strange. Not really aggressive…just…strange.

I’ve managed to get this trip down to an hour from an hour and 10 minutes. Of course, I drive like A. J. Voit…

Gas at the cheapest spot – Citgo – is $147.9 a gallon! That’s terrible! Such ‘typos’ are too close to reality of the near future. Could give a driver a heart attack.

Route 66 – the lady in front of me is putting on mascara while she’s driving!! I love it.

There’s an ad on the radio for snow tubing. I gather that it’s like the water slides where you go through a tunnel dug out of the snow, down a hill. What a scary thought! With my claustrophobia, just imagine going half a mile thru a white tube – it’s like having an MRI that moves.

I harken back to when our dog Taffy, a cocker spaniel used to go out the back dor then tunnel through the snow and scratch at the front door to come in. This annoyed my father because the dog would be in an unexpected new place. My brother and I liked to crawl thru the tunnels, which scared my Dad to death. I remember him yelling at us not to go into the tunnels the dogI harken back to my childhood memories. When I was a kid in Baldwin, our dog Taffy, a cocker spaniel, would go out the back door and dig a tunnel around the house to the front door, which would frustrate  would dig. So I just wonder about the sanity of the people who would go thru those snow tubes.

CT license plate: I-OBJET. Great. Probably a law student or an attorney.parking lot

A store I pass on the way home: Cuberto’s Field and Stream. They have a turkey calling seminar scheduled for today! Now that’s something we all need to attend.

The Spanish-American grocery store in Middletown has a neon sign: “We forgive…but we don’t forget.”

Driving behind a car with 3 bumper stickers. The first says “I love you”. The second says “My son goes to Northwestern”. Third one says “My money and my daughter go to URI.” To anyone who knows URI – he’s right.

Girl in a white car – bad driver – shade on the driver’s side window; she can’t see anything; had to lift the shade just to enter traffic. Now she’s weaving. Her license plate is ZOOMIN.

Radio ad asking if you were suffering from a dead battery, how many times has that made you feel powerless? Duh … of course it’s powerless. And if you have a dead battery – you can’t listen to the radio.

Have to check the moon phases. If I remember right, we’ve got a full moon, and it shows. Everybody is going into the passing lanes then sitting there going slower than the people in the regular lane; cutting people off; getting into the wrong lane; left hand turns out of right hand lanes; it’s been a ZOO.

Listening to Mike on WDRC this morning – what’s orange and sleeps 6? A DOT truck!

I’m getting near the end of rte. 66, and ever since Middletown there’s been this young fella in his 20s who seems really pissed that I edged him out of trying to pass me once. He’s tried passing on the right, passing on the left…really close to my car. He’s just not going to give an edge. It seems to be a little vendetta; every opportunity he gets he starts edging up to threaten me; when he knows he can’t, he drops back and drives like a sane person. It’s like … hello … put it back in your pants!

CT license plate: “WITCHY”; a woman driving a SAAB. I love it!

It’s 6:21 in the evening the sky is a turquoise blue. The bridge between Middletown and Portland (over the CT River) is the same blue. It’s almost as if the bridge became part of the sky.

bumper stickers I like

My neighbor’s car: “1-20-09 — the end of an error”. Took me a little time to confirm my interpretation of this.

I saw this somewhere and am making a bumper sticker for myself: “That was zen…this is tao”

“If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!”

Driving behind a car with 3 bumper stickers. The first says “I love you”. The second says “My son goes to Northwestern”. Third one says “My money and my daughter go to URI.” To anyone who knows URI – he’s right.